Our Dog Is Not Gay

When we went on vacation last week we took our dog to stay with his cousins in IL for the duration. When we came back to pick him up we learned a disturbing fact about our precious boy.

He seems to like to lick other dogs...well, dicks. He likes to like other dogs dicks. That, and he likes to hump the other dogs. A lot.

My husband attributed this to the two older dogs. You know, like in a prison. They forced our poor puppy to perform rude sex acts as a means of control and intimidation. He was the new fish, after all. It's not like there were any female dogs around. You gotta do what you gotta do, you know?

I have watched our boy very closely since we got him back and I have come to this conclusion. I think Beo would probably do anything, male or female, if given the chance. That means our dog is not gay (Stop calling him Gay-o, D!). Our dog is bi. He's an equal opportunity humper. If the cat didn't put up such a fuss he'd probably try and screw him. No wonder he's so happy, he sees every animal as a possible good time.

Except us. Even when they are wrestling around on the floor Beo has yet to try and hump my husband. I think we're not his type. Maybe humans are too intimidating, or he's afraid if we become sex objects we'll stop feeding him. He doesn't understand that we can do both at once. I'd like to keep it that way. Nothing is more embarrassing than getting a horny dog off the leg of a visitor. Christmas is going to be at our house, that would be a disaster.

Now that I think about it, I'll have to keep a close eye on my nephew. He's about the same size as our cousins' dogs. Beo might get confused. I'll have to have several bone-bones handy just in case.