Ah, Freshmen

The incoming freshmen for the 2005-2006 season are starting to filter onto campus. I have a few friendly words for them:

If it says NO PARKING ANYTIME, that means you, too, dumbass.

If you hit, step on, or bump into a person while you are meandering through the bookstore, apologize. Don't just look at them like an alien life form and move away.

You thought you could get away without shaving the pits in that tanktop, but sweetie, you were wrong.

Regardless of what may have been hip at your pathetically small high school, professors here do not give good grades depending on how short your skirt is or how low your tanktop. Scientists give less of a shit than regular professors.

Yep, that no parking sign still applies to you.

Stopping suddenly in a crowded hallway to talk to a person you know will get you run over. In this case, I don't have to apologize as your the stupid squirt who slammed on the brakes in the first place. It's called "momentum", look it up.

Screaming and jumping up and down when you see a familiar face should be limited to the sorority houses. Anywhere else and you deserve to get bitch-slapped.

Cash means cash, you can wave your daddy's credit card around all you want.

Just because you have a $50,000 car does not mean you don't have to pay for parking. Oh, and I don't have to give up my space to you.

Finally, I don't care who your parents are, how much money you have, how well dressed, well groomed, or well bred you are, you cut in line again and I'm taking your ass down.

Have a great school year!