Trust - A Poll
Alissa and I were having a conversation yesterday about trust. More to the point, about not trusting those who have hurt you in the past. Alissa and I are of the ilk that when you give your trust to someone and they break it, th-th-tha-that-that's all folks. Alissa has been told that is a horrible way to live.
I disagree.
Trust is a very important thing. When you give someone your trust your giving them the power to hurt you. When they abuse that power it is damaging. Why should you give them another chance to hurt you? Trust is owned by you, it's your discretion to give it out as you see fit.
You don't have to trust someone you're friends with. You don't have to trust someone you love. You know your own limitations and eventually you will know theirs.
For example: Say you have someone in your family that always owes you money, but never manages to cough any up. You love this person and would do anything for them, but there will be no more I.O.U's. Why? Because you can't trust them to pay you back.
Here's another: Say you have a friend that you share your secrets with. One day you find out that this friend is going around telling everyone what you're saying. Are you going to keep telling that person your secrets? You'd be a fool if you did. In my world those conversations would become guarded. The friendship might not end, but the secret-sharing would.
Alissa and I are not proponents of that whole "forgive and forget" thing. In fact, I feel people who constantly forgive and forget are suckers. One thing I will not tolerate is being taken advantage of. If you break my trust, you have to earn it back. I'm not a bitch about it, but I have my little rolodex of unforgettable instances tucked away in the back of my mind.
What do you think?
I disagree.
Trust is a very important thing. When you give someone your trust your giving them the power to hurt you. When they abuse that power it is damaging. Why should you give them another chance to hurt you? Trust is owned by you, it's your discretion to give it out as you see fit.
You don't have to trust someone you're friends with. You don't have to trust someone you love. You know your own limitations and eventually you will know theirs.
For example: Say you have someone in your family that always owes you money, but never manages to cough any up. You love this person and would do anything for them, but there will be no more I.O.U's. Why? Because you can't trust them to pay you back.
Here's another: Say you have a friend that you share your secrets with. One day you find out that this friend is going around telling everyone what you're saying. Are you going to keep telling that person your secrets? You'd be a fool if you did. In my world those conversations would become guarded. The friendship might not end, but the secret-sharing would.
Alissa and I are not proponents of that whole "forgive and forget" thing. In fact, I feel people who constantly forgive and forget are suckers. One thing I will not tolerate is being taken advantage of. If you break my trust, you have to earn it back. I'm not a bitch about it, but I have my little rolodex of unforgettable instances tucked away in the back of my mind.
What do you think?
posted by Barbarian02003 | Thursday, August 03, 2006
6 Comments:
I'd have to say I'm mainly on your side. It kiinda depends on the offense and the conversation regarding said offense that come afterward.
The sharing secrets example you gave would clearly require the other person prove themselves over time.
If its something like, "Gee Joe I trusted you to do this thing and you didn't..." and maybe Joe and I talk about it afterwards and maybe Joe is generally trustworth to do those kinds of things, then that I can easily forgive. I mean, he wasn't telling secrets or cheating on my sister or anything like that.
So it kinda depends on the offence.
Matto! It's so nice to see you again.
Very true. Trust with me is a very hard thing. I don't trust very many people, so my potential hurt level is low. However, there are those people who trust everyone they meet until they are given a reason not to. I think these people have a very high potential hurt level and I just don't understand that.
Hey woman! I started an account!
Tell me what you think!
Alissa
I think I fall between you and the "trust everyone" thing... with the sad, BUT ONLY SLIGHT (see I'm learning) possibiltiy towards the "trust-everyone".
It's probably why i'm so bitter. Intellectually i know i shouldn't trust anyone, and yet, I always want to give people the benifit of the doubt.
Me thinks I would benifit more by doubting everyone.
It just seems to be a sad statement of humanity if thats the way it has to be, but it sure seems to be the way it is. :/
Pooey, you're bumming me out. You're such a great person, though, that only truly evil people would backstab you and you don't hang around with many truly evil people...Not since we moved to St. Louis.
Trust is a building block to any relationship but it can be repaired. It can take much time depending on the severity of the offense. I will give someone a second chance depending on the circumstances but the relationship will change. I put up walls that are hard to penetrate when I have been hurt. Two strikes and I am definitely finished.
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