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My husband had a vasectomy last Friday. There are two things I discovered about myself this weekend.
1) I would not make a good caregiver. Friday I felt sorry for hubby. He was in pain and walking all funny and moaning a lot. I stuck close and made sure he had everything he wanted. I did laundry, fixed meals, cleaned the house, fetched drinks, you name it. And I liked it. It made me feel very useful and cuddly. Saturday my man was doing better but he still could not function normally. I had to drop the dog off at the groomers, go grocery shopping, get the dog from the groomer, fix the meals, fetch drinks, and clean the house. Alone. I was still okay with it, poor hubby was still in pain.
By Sunday the novelty of taking care of my man wore off quickly. He was okay now, he could get his own damn drinks and fix his own damn food. I had laundry to do (still!). I have a period every month complete with cramps, pain, and bleeding, do you see me laying around? No, I have to function normally. By Sunday night hubby was on his own and I didn't care one bit.
2) I have to clarify, AGAIN, that I do not want to have a baby. I love my mother but sometimes.... She calls Sunday and its, "How do you feel now that Hubby has done this? You realize it's final, right? Now you'll never have a baby. How does this affect you?"
I'm FINE WITH IT! I feel GREAT!
First of all, Hubby did not make this decision alone. In fact, if you'll remember, I am the one who gave hubby the deadline. I'm the one who said this surgery would happen this year or there would be great consequences. I am NOT some helpless victim being forced to live with the decision my husband makes. If I wanted to have a baby I would have one. BUT I DON'T WANT A BABY! Me, my choice, my decision, one that I made when I was 15 years old.
Others not being able to live with my decision is not my problem. If you can't listen to me and understand my words, if you fool yourself into thinking I will change my mind, than that is YOUR problem.
So, for the last time, so there is no confusion among any of my friends and family members, I will spell it out for everyone.
I. Do. Not. Want. A. Baby.
I do not want the piss, shit, and vomit that comes with a baby. The sleepless nights, the long hours of rocking, feeding, and cleaning. I do not want to turn my life upside down because I have a kid. I do not want my hard earned money to disappear down that kid's endless open pie-hole. I do not want to teach anyone how to talk, walk, run, ride a bike, or drive a car. I do not want the worry, fear, heart-ache, and exasperation that a kid brings. I do not want to have my house torn apart, my things ruined or broken, and my time monopolized. I do not want to worry about the education, friends, psychological damage, or limb extraction that can occur with having a kid. I DON'T WANT IT.
And yes, I'm missing out on the hugs and kisses and cute little things kids do. I don't care. The trade-off is not worth it to me. "But they bring so much love to your life!" So do pets, and I have two of those. I am happy being childless. I am happy knowing I don't have to deal with alllllllllllllllllll the issues a kid brings to one's life. I am happy that I found a man who agrees with me. I like knowing my money is my own, my home is my own, my time is my own, and my life is my own. I was not forced into this decision, it is my own.
Do you get it now? How many more times can I say it?
It doesn't matter how many babies are pointed out to me, it doesn't matter how many "We only got one grandchild now" speeches I hear from my father, it doesn't matter how many conversations I'm forced to have (and you're not clever, you may be using different words but the topic is always the same), I am not changing my mind. I am solid on this. I stand firm. I'm tired of the questions and the endless barrage of nagging. I'm not having a kid.
I love my nephew, but if talking about him is going to segway into talking about my having a kid I swear, I'll stop seeing him just to end it. I'll hole myself up in my home and not use the phone, email, or even letters to communicate. I'll close myself off completely just to avoid having to repeat my self over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over, over, over, over, over, over, over and over again!
My husband had a vasectomy last Friday. There are two things I discovered about myself this weekend.
1) I would not make a good caregiver. Friday I felt sorry for hubby. He was in pain and walking all funny and moaning a lot. I stuck close and made sure he had everything he wanted. I did laundry, fixed meals, cleaned the house, fetched drinks, you name it. And I liked it. It made me feel very useful and cuddly. Saturday my man was doing better but he still could not function normally. I had to drop the dog off at the groomers, go grocery shopping, get the dog from the groomer, fix the meals, fetch drinks, and clean the house. Alone. I was still okay with it, poor hubby was still in pain.
By Sunday the novelty of taking care of my man wore off quickly. He was okay now, he could get his own damn drinks and fix his own damn food. I had laundry to do (still!). I have a period every month complete with cramps, pain, and bleeding, do you see me laying around? No, I have to function normally. By Sunday night hubby was on his own and I didn't care one bit.
2) I have to clarify, AGAIN, that I do not want to have a baby. I love my mother but sometimes.... She calls Sunday and its, "How do you feel now that Hubby has done this? You realize it's final, right? Now you'll never have a baby. How does this affect you?"
I'm FINE WITH IT! I feel GREAT!
First of all, Hubby did not make this decision alone. In fact, if you'll remember, I am the one who gave hubby the deadline. I'm the one who said this surgery would happen this year or there would be great consequences. I am NOT some helpless victim being forced to live with the decision my husband makes. If I wanted to have a baby I would have one. BUT I DON'T WANT A BABY! Me, my choice, my decision, one that I made when I was 15 years old.
Others not being able to live with my decision is not my problem. If you can't listen to me and understand my words, if you fool yourself into thinking I will change my mind, than that is YOUR problem.
So, for the last time, so there is no confusion among any of my friends and family members, I will spell it out for everyone.
I. Do. Not. Want. A. Baby.
I do not want the piss, shit, and vomit that comes with a baby. The sleepless nights, the long hours of rocking, feeding, and cleaning. I do not want to turn my life upside down because I have a kid. I do not want my hard earned money to disappear down that kid's endless open pie-hole. I do not want to teach anyone how to talk, walk, run, ride a bike, or drive a car. I do not want the worry, fear, heart-ache, and exasperation that a kid brings. I do not want to have my house torn apart, my things ruined or broken, and my time monopolized. I do not want to worry about the education, friends, psychological damage, or limb extraction that can occur with having a kid. I DON'T WANT IT.
And yes, I'm missing out on the hugs and kisses and cute little things kids do. I don't care. The trade-off is not worth it to me. "But they bring so much love to your life!" So do pets, and I have two of those. I am happy being childless. I am happy knowing I don't have to deal with alllllllllllllllllll the issues a kid brings to one's life. I am happy that I found a man who agrees with me. I like knowing my money is my own, my home is my own, my time is my own, and my life is my own. I was not forced into this decision, it is my own.
Do you get it now? How many more times can I say it?
It doesn't matter how many babies are pointed out to me, it doesn't matter how many "We only got one grandchild now" speeches I hear from my father, it doesn't matter how many conversations I'm forced to have (and you're not clever, you may be using different words but the topic is always the same), I am not changing my mind. I am solid on this. I stand firm. I'm tired of the questions and the endless barrage of nagging. I'm not having a kid.
I love my nephew, but if talking about him is going to segway into talking about my having a kid I swear, I'll stop seeing him just to end it. I'll hole myself up in my home and not use the phone, email, or even letters to communicate. I'll close myself off completely just to avoid having to repeat my self over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over, over, over, over, over, over, over and over again!
posted by Barbarian02003 | Monday, October 30, 2006
5 Comments:
Barbarian,
You are so lucky you married somebody that agrees with you about not having a kid. I also never wanted to have a kid and never did. I did adopt my wife’s son from her first marriage. I came into his life at 5 years old and it was just in time for all of the fun stuff.
So I agree with you completely about never wanting to turn your life upside down to raise a kid. I believe it’s overrated and if not for marrying somebody with a child already, I never would have raised one.
Kudos to you for sticking to your guns and not giving in to family pressures!!
I've known how you feel about this for a long time and you know I respect any decision that you and your hubby make. I think it's very noble and honest what you two have decided.
Playing devil's advocate, I can understand why some people are worried that you will miss out, but that's the extent of it. Just because everyone is jumping on the "baby bandwagon" doesn't mean you should too. I wish more people who have no business having a child would listen or much worse, parents whom have failed as parents try to have another kid as if "Oh, maybe this time I'll get it right" There's too much to gamble on a life to know whether or not your doing the right thing.
Good for you both!
1) You know I luf your man, that being said..."Boo Hoo Hoo!" Nobody had to take care f me when the Snip-Snip was done. Easiest damn thing I've ever gone through. Getting my tat was rougher.
Still everyone's different, so maybe his experience was different somehow (different in the whimpy way :P )
2) You are bad, Un-American, part-Taliban person for not wanting kids. Why do you hate freedom so much?
3) The previous being a joke of course ;) You know we are with you on that front.
4) The only thing that concerns me about not having kids is who will take care of me when I'm old and feeble.
But we have 5 (soon to be 6) nieces and nephews, one of them is bound to be successful (and yes, ONLY one). We intend to dote on that one and "adotpt" him/her so he/she will take care of Uncle and Auntie The Hun in their twilight years.
Either that or there's the going-out-in-a-blaze-of-glory scenario.
Either or.
Thanks for the support and the clarafication. I am truly loved...even if I will die old, lost, and lonely on a street corner because I have no one to take care of me.
I love you all!
You won't be forgotten when you get old. Don't forget, I have two kids that absolutely adore you and will put the fear of God into them reminding that they WILL take care of Auntie BB when she gets old and senile no matter how much vanilla pudding she throws at you!
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