EXCLUSIVE
A lost interview with author H.T., an unpublished writer with a whole library of unfinished works.
"What made you decide to be a writer?"
"It wasn't a conscious decision, really. It seems that I've known how to read and write since I came out of the womb. When I was in first grade I wrote my first short story called "Jerry the Jiraffe" and read it to my classmates. My teacher told me I was a natural born writer. I kept a journal and eventually branched out into poetry and short stories. I didn't think about writing a novel until I got to college."
"None of your work has been published, correct?"
"That's not true. An online poetry contest sponsored by an elite group of businessmen published a poem of mine called "Daddy." It was great, they told me I qualified for the grand prize of $5,000, and if I won I would get to go to their annual convention. I only had to pay $1,500 for room and travel. Oh, unless I wanted to buy copies of previous anthologies, then it was $40 a pop. A Nigerian banker with millions to give away sponsored it, I think. If I responded right away I could enlarge my penis and buy drugs from Mexico. It was a fantastic deal."
"Oooo-kaay. Let's move on to your work, what genre do you write?"
"Anything involving murder, violence, supernatural beings, and cats. I like writing vicious mysteries with lots of gore and blood, but the bigger picture wraps around love and understanding. All my killers are compassionate. You may have to look for their humanity, but it's there."
"Uh-huh. What is your first novel about?"
"Death."
"Just any death, or can you get more specific?"
"No."
"Ummm, okay. How do you plan on getting your stories to the public?"
"Lulu.com or some sort of online self-publishing machine. Once I hit the craft fairs and festivals, it's sure to take off. I mean, who doesn't love horror?"
"Horror?"
"Crime fiction, mystery, fantasy, whatever you want to call it, who doesn't love it?"
"Wait. Is your novel about death, crime, mystery, or fantasy?"
"A little bit of both."
"But I mentioned four things."
"Well....if you're going to be specific, all four. Does that answer your question?"
"No. I think we're done here. Look for H.T.'s novel about death and compassionate killers coming to a Strawberry festival near you... some day."
"What made you decide to be a writer?"
"It wasn't a conscious decision, really. It seems that I've known how to read and write since I came out of the womb. When I was in first grade I wrote my first short story called "Jerry the Jiraffe" and read it to my classmates. My teacher told me I was a natural born writer. I kept a journal and eventually branched out into poetry and short stories. I didn't think about writing a novel until I got to college."
"None of your work has been published, correct?"
"That's not true. An online poetry contest sponsored by an elite group of businessmen published a poem of mine called "Daddy." It was great, they told me I qualified for the grand prize of $5,000, and if I won I would get to go to their annual convention. I only had to pay $1,500 for room and travel. Oh, unless I wanted to buy copies of previous anthologies, then it was $40 a pop. A Nigerian banker with millions to give away sponsored it, I think. If I responded right away I could enlarge my penis and buy drugs from Mexico. It was a fantastic deal."
"Oooo-kaay. Let's move on to your work, what genre do you write?"
"Anything involving murder, violence, supernatural beings, and cats. I like writing vicious mysteries with lots of gore and blood, but the bigger picture wraps around love and understanding. All my killers are compassionate. You may have to look for their humanity, but it's there."
"Uh-huh. What is your first novel about?"
"Death."
"Just any death, or can you get more specific?"
"No."
"Ummm, okay. How do you plan on getting your stories to the public?"
"Lulu.com or some sort of online self-publishing machine. Once I hit the craft fairs and festivals, it's sure to take off. I mean, who doesn't love horror?"
"Horror?"
"Crime fiction, mystery, fantasy, whatever you want to call it, who doesn't love it?"
"Wait. Is your novel about death, crime, mystery, or fantasy?"
"A little bit of both."
"But I mentioned four things."
"Well....if you're going to be specific, all four. Does that answer your question?"
"No. I think we're done here. Look for H.T.'s novel about death and compassionate killers coming to a Strawberry festival near you... some day."
posted by Barbarian02003 | Friday, February 03, 2006
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