I'll be in the Can

I seem to have eaten something my body didn't like. Unlike normal people who may have a night, or even a few hours, of painful pooping and then get over it my body seems to take it personally. My stomach has been making such noises at work today my co-worker actually commented on it.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm in pain, I've been pooping for two days, usually around 2 or 3am, my asshole hurts, and I'm afraid to fart least I shit my pants, but yeah, I'm just fine."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Now I'm afraid to eat anything (nothing in, nothing out, eh?). So I sit here in my stinky office and pray no one needs anything. The first person who opens that door is going to have a nasty day, I can guarantee it.