If Farts Could be Converted to Fuel, I'd be a Queen!
Hubby and I carpooled today to save on gas. Here in MO it has reached $3 a gallon. On the way to work I was thinking about how the oil rich countries are profiting from this in ways we can't even imagine. America is taking it up the ass because we can't produce as much oil as we use. Then I got to thinking about what America has that we can jack the price up on to make some of this money back. Blue jeans? Rock-n-roll? Breast implants? All good things, but not exactly exclusive to our country.
Entertainment. That's what we'll do, we'll jack up the price on entertainment. "Welcome to Apu's 20 Cine, how can I help you? You want to see the new Tom Cruise movie? That will be $80. Oh, there are two of you, that will be $160. $160 for the new Tom Cruise movie. Thank you, come again."
Not going to happen. Then I had a brainstorm. What does America do better than any other country. What do we have that other counties clamor for, trade their children for, would sell their own mothers for? Tobacco!
Yeah, boy-ee, other countries might grow it but there ain't no tobacci like our tobacci. You want a pack of Marlboro? Twelve thousand dollars. You want a carton? One hundred and forty-four, mother fucker. Don't forget the tax. Yeah, you might go to Cuba for a cigar, but there ain't no other carcinogenic, tar-laden, filthy-smelling cancer stick like the one's we make right here in the good 'ol US. God bless the Carolina's. Let's start charging $70 a bushel and see how fast that oil price comes down.
Because we are not addicted to oil. Oh, we need it, but eventually we'll find other ways to make our cars go. But there is no withdrawal quite like nicotine withdrawal. A sheik will pimp out a few wives for a cigarette, you watch. They'll start initiating tobacco-for-oil programs.
We could legalize marijuana and start selling that, too. Hey, farmers need the help and we have the right climate. You've seen on CNN acres and acres of pot being burned. That's money wasted! Pool our resources, people. We have to do something or we'll be working to pay for the gas to drive our asses to work and nothing else.
Entertainment. That's what we'll do, we'll jack up the price on entertainment. "Welcome to Apu's 20 Cine, how can I help you? You want to see the new Tom Cruise movie? That will be $80. Oh, there are two of you, that will be $160. $160 for the new Tom Cruise movie. Thank you, come again."
Not going to happen. Then I had a brainstorm. What does America do better than any other country. What do we have that other counties clamor for, trade their children for, would sell their own mothers for? Tobacco!
Yeah, boy-ee, other countries might grow it but there ain't no tobacci like our tobacci. You want a pack of Marlboro? Twelve thousand dollars. You want a carton? One hundred and forty-four, mother fucker. Don't forget the tax. Yeah, you might go to Cuba for a cigar, but there ain't no other carcinogenic, tar-laden, filthy-smelling cancer stick like the one's we make right here in the good 'ol US. God bless the Carolina's. Let's start charging $70 a bushel and see how fast that oil price comes down.
Because we are not addicted to oil. Oh, we need it, but eventually we'll find other ways to make our cars go. But there is no withdrawal quite like nicotine withdrawal. A sheik will pimp out a few wives for a cigarette, you watch. They'll start initiating tobacco-for-oil programs.
We could legalize marijuana and start selling that, too. Hey, farmers need the help and we have the right climate. You've seen on CNN acres and acres of pot being burned. That's money wasted! Pool our resources, people. We have to do something or we'll be working to pay for the gas to drive our asses to work and nothing else.
posted by Barbarian02003 | Thursday, September 01, 2005
1 Comments:
How about a "Politicians–for–Oil" program? I know of about 100 senators we can trade for a barrell of oil each, and two high ranking Executive branch officials that are so cozy with the oil industry, I'm sure they'd understand being traded for some of that precious crude...
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