Revenge of the Steak Pizza

We ate one of those steak pizza's from Pizza Hut last night. Ooohh, it was so good. I ate half a pizza, something I rarely do. Usually, after two slices, I'm good. Last night I wanted to lick the box after whoofing down my half. I went to bed thinking if it's socially acceptable to eat pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

About 6:30 this morning I changed my mind about the pizza. I woke up with cramps so bad I swore I'd been stabbed in the stomach by the cat. I got into the bathroom just in time. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say a bomb hasn't been dropped like that since Hiroshima. I didn't know the human body could produce that much poo. As an added bonus, I had to go again while I was in my car, halfway to work. Did you know there is a poo God? Oh yeah, and I prayed to him mightily.

I have to be twenty pounds lighter.

Good thing we took the onions off the pizza or I'd be in the ER. Onions don't like me. They are the one food guaranteed to trigger my ulcerative colitis. I thought I could sneak a few in and be okay a few weeks ago with my pork fried rice. Pork fried wrong! We were going to go to lunch today to celebrate a co-workers birthday, but the birthday girl called in sick. I guess I'll fight my way through the cafeteria again. Watch, today's soup will be French onion.

I have a friend in prison and he told me that when the prisoner's are bad and refuse to eat their meal (or throw it at the guards), the kitchen serves them a "food loaf" for a week. The food loaf consists of your entire meal being ground up and molded into a loaf. Yep, you get your meat, vegetable, starch, and gravy all in one brick. I didn't think that was so bad until I learned they also throw in your dessert, which is always jello. Blech. The purpose of the food loaf is not known, but I guess it works because my friend only refused to eat his meal once.