Great Moments In Bitchery

Long ago I worked for an auto parts company we'll call FM (no, it's not Fuck your Mother, but they would if it meant they could make more money). I worked in customer service which meant I sat in a cubicle all day wearing a headset taking orders over the phone. It was a mind-numbingly boring job, but hey, it was a job. After working there for less than a year my manager decided that I would make a perfect trainer. Did my pay increase? Hell no. But since I took the most volume of calls each day, because the other lazy-ass bastards I worked with goofed off, I got the job. Come one Monday morning I walked into work to meet Jim. Jim would spend the next five days with me to learn the system.

Jim was an idiot. He couldn't remember anything, not even the simplest task of how to answer the phone (you pushed a button). Jim also had a very nasty case of psoriasis all over both his arms. He liked to roll up his shirt sleeves after lunch. At the end of the day my desk was covered with dried skin like the snow-cap of Mnt. Kilimanjaro. Jim was also an asshole. He felt he didn't need a woman telling him what to do. He never paid attention, messed up every order, and let me do all the work. After the first day I told my boss he was useless, so of'course at the end of the week they hired him. They gave him the cubicle next to mine.

Jim came to work late and left early, took an hour and a half for lunch (we got 45 minutes), took three coffee breaks a day (we got none) and when he was at his desk it was this:
"Hi, honey, I just wanted to call to say I love you....no, I love you......no, I loooove youoouououou..." in his whiney, pussy-whipped voice that grated on every one of my last nerves. Jim also knew everything. Oh yes, it didn't matter what you talked about, Jim was an expert. He was always right.

So one day Jim is talking through the cubicle wall to another associate about the band Fleetwood Mac. The conversation went a little something like this:
Jim: "I just love Fleetwood Mac, they're one of my favorite bands. I listen to them all the time and have all their albums. I saw them in Philly when I was younger."
Other guy: "That Lindsay Buckingham is a phenomenal guitar player."
Jim: "Oh, I know. I just love her. She's amazing. One of my favorites."
Me: "Oh? You love Fleetwood Mac, eh?"
Jim: "Yes. I just said I did."
Me: "And you like Lindsay?"
Jim: "I think she's great."
Me: "Lindsay Buckingham is a GUY, Jim."
Silence.

This has been a Great Moment In Bitchery-ry-ry-ry