Frell! Frauk! and Sho-me-na!
Let me just say you men have absolutely no idea what embarrassment, humiliation, and inconvenience is, okay?
Yesterday I had to go to my lady doctor. I had the joy of sitting naked from the waist down for 30 minutes so my doctor could see me for 5. As you ladies know, the minute the doctor walks through the door the stir-ups get pulled out. Then I had to sit there and have a conversation with a man who's touching me in places only my husband gets to see. I'm so glad that I am not one of those women who gets skittish at the thought of another man getting all in my business or it would have been a hard day. He didn't like what he was feeling so we set up an ultrasound for today. I hop off the table, clean myself of the 2 gallons of gel the doc used, get dressed, and go back to work. I didn't even get a cigarette.
My appointment today was at 11am. At 9:45 I had to empty my bladder, then from 9:45 - 10am I had to chug 24oz of water. Why? Because that's what I was told to do. Peeing before filling back up makes no sense to me, but thems the doc's orders. So at 10:40 I waddle to my car and drive like a bat out of hell to get to my doctor. It hurt to move. I get to the office, sign in, and sit down to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Every passing minute more fluid forces its way into my bladder. My whole abdomen feels like it is on fire. Every move I make sends waves of pain through my body and I'm afraid I will actually piss myself. Finally, at 11:15, the ultrasound lady calls me back. She slathers my whole abdomen with goo and proceeds to push and prod my painful belly until she finally gives me the green light to "go." Oh, I have to clean up and dress before I can do that, though. God forbid they have a toilet in the room where it would do some good. Ah, the sweet release of urination...
Oh, but I'm not done yet.
Nope, now we got to look around on the inside. Yes, guys, it's just as invasive as you can imagine (and I have to undress again). Remember that I was in pain to begin with, now she's poking at that pain with a 13 inch wand made of hard plastic. We're trying to talk about the weather and our jobs while ignoring the fact she's spelunking in my pooty-tang. More clean up, get dressed, and leave.
Tomorrow I get the results of today's search. Yep, I have to go back to my doctor's office again. Depending on what was found I may have to undress again. Three days in a row of my pooty-tang on display. If something is wrong then I get the pleasure of having people I don't know come by and take a look. Again.
I come back to work to hear one of the stupidest men on the planet make this observation, "Women have it easy because they don't have to have a prostate exam."
Dip-shit is hanging from the fifth floor balcony by his ankles. Given what I've had to go through recently a finger in the butt sounds like a vacation.
You Neanderthals out there who still believe women are the weaker sex need to bite me.
Yesterday I had to go to my lady doctor. I had the joy of sitting naked from the waist down for 30 minutes so my doctor could see me for 5. As you ladies know, the minute the doctor walks through the door the stir-ups get pulled out. Then I had to sit there and have a conversation with a man who's touching me in places only my husband gets to see. I'm so glad that I am not one of those women who gets skittish at the thought of another man getting all in my business or it would have been a hard day. He didn't like what he was feeling so we set up an ultrasound for today. I hop off the table, clean myself of the 2 gallons of gel the doc used, get dressed, and go back to work. I didn't even get a cigarette.
My appointment today was at 11am. At 9:45 I had to empty my bladder, then from 9:45 - 10am I had to chug 24oz of water. Why? Because that's what I was told to do. Peeing before filling back up makes no sense to me, but thems the doc's orders. So at 10:40 I waddle to my car and drive like a bat out of hell to get to my doctor. It hurt to move. I get to the office, sign in, and sit down to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Every passing minute more fluid forces its way into my bladder. My whole abdomen feels like it is on fire. Every move I make sends waves of pain through my body and I'm afraid I will actually piss myself. Finally, at 11:15, the ultrasound lady calls me back. She slathers my whole abdomen with goo and proceeds to push and prod my painful belly until she finally gives me the green light to "go." Oh, I have to clean up and dress before I can do that, though. God forbid they have a toilet in the room where it would do some good. Ah, the sweet release of urination...
Oh, but I'm not done yet.
Nope, now we got to look around on the inside. Yes, guys, it's just as invasive as you can imagine (and I have to undress again). Remember that I was in pain to begin with, now she's poking at that pain with a 13 inch wand made of hard plastic. We're trying to talk about the weather and our jobs while ignoring the fact she's spelunking in my pooty-tang. More clean up, get dressed, and leave.
Tomorrow I get the results of today's search. Yep, I have to go back to my doctor's office again. Depending on what was found I may have to undress again. Three days in a row of my pooty-tang on display. If something is wrong then I get the pleasure of having people I don't know come by and take a look. Again.
I come back to work to hear one of the stupidest men on the planet make this observation, "Women have it easy because they don't have to have a prostate exam."
Dip-shit is hanging from the fifth floor balcony by his ankles. Given what I've had to go through recently a finger in the butt sounds like a vacation.
You Neanderthals out there who still believe women are the weaker sex need to bite me.
posted by Barbarian02003 | Wednesday, April 25, 2007
3 Comments:
OMG,I had that same ultrasound done last month. My doctor told me the ultrasound would be less invasive then possible other tests. So i went in thinking it would just what pregnant women have. So naive. It was EXACTLY as you described...Ha. Not fun and so invasive.
Thank God I'm married or that may have been the only action I'd seen in months.
I hope everything is okay with you.
I hope everything is alright.
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