Stupid For The Holidays

It's a time of cheer and a time of joy. It is also a time for the dumbasses of this world to show their true colors.

I'll start with a story about my husband's co-worker. On Thanksgiving he and his family went to another family member's house. When they got back they discovered their home had been broken into. Not a lot was taken, but the invasion of privacy still stung.

I don't know about you, but I am paranoid about being robbed. Everything I own is locked, know what I mean? So yesterday my husband gets home and tells me that his co-workers wife's car was also broken into.

They took her cell phone, her purse, and her gym bag. How awful, I say, do they have to replace a car window, too? Oh no, he replies, she left the car unlocked.

.................WHAT!

What kind of miserably retarded bitch leaves her car unlocked at night with all her important shit inside AFTER her own house was broken into? Honestly? Can someone please shove a broom handle up her ass because it seems she likes being violated.

Then my friend Issy calls and tells me this story:

She's pulling out of her driveway this morning. It's kind of foggy so she waits until she can't see any lights and pulls out. A hot second later this orange car come screaming up behind her. The car swerves around her and pulls in front, slamming on her brakes. I guess she wanted to do to Issy what Issy had done to her. Anyway, she keeps driving like an ignorant bitch all the way to the highway. Issy notices that she has a for sale sign in the back window of her car. With her phone number on it.

Beep, beep, boop, bip, boop, beep, beep. The chick answers her phone in a pleasant voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi. Do you have an orange car for sale?"
"Yes I do."
"Then why are you driving like that?"
"You stupid C---, I work for a law firm and I can have you arrested for harassment!"
"Then maybe you shouldn't drive like a crazy bitch and have your number on the back of your damn car."

Oh, the curse words ensued. Issy told her to have a nice day and hung up. Only problem was she had to explain the conversation to her young son sitting in the back seat. "Um, er... ok, Mommy said some bad words..."

Happy Holidays Everyone!