Cause and Effect
Dear Barbarian,
My husband won't pay attention to me. He's too involved playing video games to pay attention to me and the kids. I love him and I want him to be happy, but I need quality time, too, or I'm unhappy. What should I do? I know you've had experience with this. Please help.
Widow of Warcraft
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Dear WOW,
First, ship your kids off to their real father. It's obvious your current husband isn't their father. If he were you would be much angrier. He had enough time to get you pregnant but not to help you raise the little brats? Oh hell no. Once you have the pups out of the house you can really concentrate on getting your husband's attention.
Second, throw a fit. Yell, cry (crying is very important), throw things (preferably breakable), wave your arms about like a crazy woman and scream, scream, scream! Throw a suitcase on the bed and start tossing your clothes into it. Start saying things about his manhood. I always like to use, "You made promises you can't keep. You're not a man, you're a boy. A sniveling, selfish, lazy, stupid, impotent little boy!" Feel free to use your own. Be sure to include what a miserable failure he is for getting so involved in make-believe. Close it with you hope your children will never grow up to be like him. (You might add that he'll never find a woman who will put up with his shit like you, but only if it's true.)
By the end of your tirade he should be on his knees begging you to stay and making promises on how good he'll be in the future. This will last about three weeks. Enjoy it while you can.
If he's not on his knees begging for forgiveness take your shit and leave. He'll never stop playing the game and you're better off without him. Even if you have to live off welfare, you're still better off.
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Dear Barbarian,
How do you get blood out of white clothes?
Mr. X
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Dear Mr. X,
I told you to never contact me here. Why the hell were you wearing white clothes? Didn't I stress the importance of dark colors? The only option you have now is to burn said whites. And make sure you scatter the ashes this time. Jeez.
My husband won't pay attention to me. He's too involved playing video games to pay attention to me and the kids. I love him and I want him to be happy, but I need quality time, too, or I'm unhappy. What should I do? I know you've had experience with this. Please help.
Widow of Warcraft
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear WOW,
First, ship your kids off to their real father. It's obvious your current husband isn't their father. If he were you would be much angrier. He had enough time to get you pregnant but not to help you raise the little brats? Oh hell no. Once you have the pups out of the house you can really concentrate on getting your husband's attention.
Second, throw a fit. Yell, cry (crying is very important), throw things (preferably breakable), wave your arms about like a crazy woman and scream, scream, scream! Throw a suitcase on the bed and start tossing your clothes into it. Start saying things about his manhood. I always like to use, "You made promises you can't keep. You're not a man, you're a boy. A sniveling, selfish, lazy, stupid, impotent little boy!" Feel free to use your own. Be sure to include what a miserable failure he is for getting so involved in make-believe. Close it with you hope your children will never grow up to be like him. (You might add that he'll never find a woman who will put up with his shit like you, but only if it's true.)
By the end of your tirade he should be on his knees begging you to stay and making promises on how good he'll be in the future. This will last about three weeks. Enjoy it while you can.
If he's not on his knees begging for forgiveness take your shit and leave. He'll never stop playing the game and you're better off without him. Even if you have to live off welfare, you're still better off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Barbarian,
How do you get blood out of white clothes?
Mr. X
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. X,
I told you to never contact me here. Why the hell were you wearing white clothes? Didn't I stress the importance of dark colors? The only option you have now is to burn said whites. And make sure you scatter the ashes this time. Jeez.
posted by Barbarian02003 | Monday, November 27, 2006
2 Comments:
Dear Barbarian,
I recall you stabbed me to death on the toilet and threw my bleeding corpse into the bath tub.
I never could get the blood out.
Regards,
Warm Beer in Savannah
P.S. White clothes are better for beating your wife and kids. It's an aesthetic really. They hold the sweat and beer stains better and really show them off.
I think pink undies are very sexy on a man.
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