Poop-tastic Day

I woke up this morning with the burning in my gut that could only signify one thing - it was going to be one of those days. I knew I'd be running to the bathroom all day because my body just CAN'T get rid of everything all at once. Oh no, that would be too easy.

At home and at work the problem isn't so bad. It's that damn drive in between. I knew exactly when my body would need to go - right around the time I was nowhere near a bathroom. That's right about halfway between work and home. So I did what I could at home and then raced to the car intending on breaking the record for fastest drive to work (just under 12 minutes).

Not to be. I found a cop on my ass the minute I left my neighborhood and that jerk-ass mother-fucker stayed on my ass until I got to work. Doing the speed limit with clenched butt-cheeks SUCKS. Let me just say that again, SUCKS!!

Never have I been in so much pain or so certain that I was going to shit my pants. At one point I wanted to flag the cop down so I could poop on him. Yep, that bad. I would have planted my feet firmly on the hood of his car, squatted, and given him an exclusive show of the morning shits. I would have gladly gone to jail if the cop had to drive with a big, brown smear drying on his hood.

Luckily it didn't come to that. I made it to work and put a hurting on the ladies restroom it will not soon forget. The good news is, four hours later, I feel loads better!