The Skinny of Fat
When I graduated from high school at 17, I was 5'10" and weighed 99 pounds. Yep, 9-9. I was all knees and elbows, no breasts, no butt, no nothing. People would stop me on the street and ask me why I was doing that to myself. I could eat a whole chocolate cake for breakfast and gain not an ounce. Even my own parents thought I was throwing up after meals. I wasn't, I was just skinny.
Out of high school I went on the Pill and got up to about 130. This was good, I found two bumps on my chest slightly resembling breasts and some hips. Clothes fit me a little better and people stopped watching me eat.
After I finally dumped an abusive boyfriend and found my husband-to-be, I got up to about 160. Wow, I had breasts, real breasts, and my booty was turning into a bubble. I found I had to get some bigger clothes, but it was no bother. I finally looked good in a low cut shirt and had something on the back porch to swing.
Now I am lingering around 175-180. Talk about cleavage! My boobs are so big that people have commented on how big my boobs are. My butt makes itself known. I have hips and thighs and a little pooch on my tummy. I don't freeze in the winter anymore. I have a rounder face.
Some would call me fat. I don't care. Because there is one thing I have come to realize: no matter what size I am, there are men out there who love it! When I was a twig I had guys all over me. When I was 130 I had guys all over me. When I was 160 I had guys all over me. Now, at 175, I have guys all over me. Not the same guys, mind you, but I would have no trouble getting a date if I was single.
Rich men, poor men, good men, bad men, strong men, weak men, smart men, stupid men; no matter how much I weighed, each group was well represented in the men who hit on me. If there was a good-looking, well-off man who ignored me for being fat, there was a also good-looking, well-off man who didn't.
So I got to thinking about it yesterday. The problem women have is they try to please men who aren't good for them. A woman will hook up with a man who likes his women skinny, and if she gains a few pounds and he starts to complain about it, instead of dumping his ass, she'll starve herself or get surgery to please him. Why? Doesn't she realize that she's hooked up with a shallow, materialistic asshole who cares more about his image than their happiness? You can't build a happy future with a man like that. If your man puts you down, calls you fat, and makes you feel bad about yourself, why the hell are you with him? Is that how you want to live? Dump him, go out, and find a man who appreciates who you are, give or take 20 pounds.
A lot of women don't want to give up a man, even if he sucks, because they think having a bad man is better than having no man at all. I blame the mothers out there who teach their daughters this bullshit. Having happiness, self-respect, and love is more important than having pain, abuse, and neglect. A man in the house does not guarantee a secure future. A man does not make a woman whole. Women are whole on their own, having a man should add to their lives, not define them. Finding the right man is more important than finding a man, no matter how long it may take you to find him. Mothers need to teach their daughters to be picky. They need to teach their daughters how to toss out bad apples. They need to teach their daughters that some behavior is not OK.
If a man can not love and respect you for who you are, or even who you're striving to be, then he will never truly love you. Women should not have to change in order to keep a man. Once a man and woman come together, they can change together. Or not at all. It's up to them. But love and relationships shouldn't hurt. You shouldn't cry more than you laugh. No one's perfect, and relationships are hard, they require work. But that work should come from both sides. One person should not dominate the other. One person should not say "I'm sorry" all the time. And here is a really important thing - it doesn't matter how long you've been together - if your man treats you bad, get rid of him.
I'll just climb off my soapbox here. What I mean to say is being a bit overweight is not a crime. I'm not talking about obesity. Becoming so fat that you have to be hauled out of your house with a crane is not good for you. I'm not a size 7 anymore, big deal. I won't grace the covers of Cosmo and Elle, so what. I take care of my heart, do my breast exams, exercise, eat right, and live well.
Out of high school I went on the Pill and got up to about 130. This was good, I found two bumps on my chest slightly resembling breasts and some hips. Clothes fit me a little better and people stopped watching me eat.
After I finally dumped an abusive boyfriend and found my husband-to-be, I got up to about 160. Wow, I had breasts, real breasts, and my booty was turning into a bubble. I found I had to get some bigger clothes, but it was no bother. I finally looked good in a low cut shirt and had something on the back porch to swing.
Now I am lingering around 175-180. Talk about cleavage! My boobs are so big that people have commented on how big my boobs are. My butt makes itself known. I have hips and thighs and a little pooch on my tummy. I don't freeze in the winter anymore. I have a rounder face.
Some would call me fat. I don't care. Because there is one thing I have come to realize: no matter what size I am, there are men out there who love it! When I was a twig I had guys all over me. When I was 130 I had guys all over me. When I was 160 I had guys all over me. Now, at 175, I have guys all over me. Not the same guys, mind you, but I would have no trouble getting a date if I was single.
Rich men, poor men, good men, bad men, strong men, weak men, smart men, stupid men; no matter how much I weighed, each group was well represented in the men who hit on me. If there was a good-looking, well-off man who ignored me for being fat, there was a also good-looking, well-off man who didn't.
So I got to thinking about it yesterday. The problem women have is they try to please men who aren't good for them. A woman will hook up with a man who likes his women skinny, and if she gains a few pounds and he starts to complain about it, instead of dumping his ass, she'll starve herself or get surgery to please him. Why? Doesn't she realize that she's hooked up with a shallow, materialistic asshole who cares more about his image than their happiness? You can't build a happy future with a man like that. If your man puts you down, calls you fat, and makes you feel bad about yourself, why the hell are you with him? Is that how you want to live? Dump him, go out, and find a man who appreciates who you are, give or take 20 pounds.
A lot of women don't want to give up a man, even if he sucks, because they think having a bad man is better than having no man at all. I blame the mothers out there who teach their daughters this bullshit. Having happiness, self-respect, and love is more important than having pain, abuse, and neglect. A man in the house does not guarantee a secure future. A man does not make a woman whole. Women are whole on their own, having a man should add to their lives, not define them. Finding the right man is more important than finding a man, no matter how long it may take you to find him. Mothers need to teach their daughters to be picky. They need to teach their daughters how to toss out bad apples. They need to teach their daughters that some behavior is not OK.
If a man can not love and respect you for who you are, or even who you're striving to be, then he will never truly love you. Women should not have to change in order to keep a man. Once a man and woman come together, they can change together. Or not at all. It's up to them. But love and relationships shouldn't hurt. You shouldn't cry more than you laugh. No one's perfect, and relationships are hard, they require work. But that work should come from both sides. One person should not dominate the other. One person should not say "I'm sorry" all the time. And here is a really important thing - it doesn't matter how long you've been together - if your man treats you bad, get rid of him.
I'll just climb off my soapbox here. What I mean to say is being a bit overweight is not a crime. I'm not talking about obesity. Becoming so fat that you have to be hauled out of your house with a crane is not good for you. I'm not a size 7 anymore, big deal. I won't grace the covers of Cosmo and Elle, so what. I take care of my heart, do my breast exams, exercise, eat right, and live well.
posted by Barbarian02003 | Wednesday, July 27, 2005
2 Comments:
Amen! Women look too much at numbers and not how they feel honestly about what suits them. Screw "sizes" and scales, women are supposed to have curves! "Dangerous Curves" are supposed to refer to women who have great curves, NOT that having curves is dangerous! Theres nothing sexy about starving yourself to be a size 2. If thats how nature made you, fine, but eating nothing but dry lettuce to get there isn't natural. If you feel good and look good, who cares about numbers?
Thanks. It's good to hear this from a man. There is no misery like being surrounded by a bunch of dieting females.
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