I do it on Purpose

As is always the case there is construction on-going on my campus. These fuckers mess up the roads on a daily basis, take all our parking spaces, and leave their construction crap laying all over the place. I hate construction workers. How much? If I owned a restaurant I'd refuse to serve any construction workers, that's how much.

So it gives me an enormous amount of pleasure to drive through the construction zone in the front of my campus. They have been "working" on that thing for about 8 weeks now and so far I can't see any changes aside from the ground being torn apart. There is a lot of dirt and dust in that area, and every morning it gives me a great thrill to see the big brown cloud in my rear view mirror.

As a bonus, the workers have to stop what they are doing to let me pass. I take my sweet ass time, going about 3 miles an hour, just to make sure I maximize the annoyance. As many times as I've been inconvenienced by these jerks, they can take a little of their own back. They can deal with the frustration of someone else making their job a little harder.

I smile all the way to my office.

Men and Crazy

I got sucked into watching the stupidest show last night, Rock of Love on VH1. Bret Michaels, lead singer of Poison, is having his turn at the Flavor Flav driven match-making vehicle. Apparently being a rock star from the 80's doesn't hold as much prestige as it used to.

In last night's episode we got to see the crazy, psychotic side of a girl I'll call Crazy Spice. Crazy Spice wanted to mess with one of the other girls so she did, constantly, with no reservation about pushing someone beyond their limits. This ended when one of the other ladies man-handled Crazy Spice to the floor and stepped on her neck. Yeah, that crazy. This is the kind of crazy that sends a psychologists children to college.

So at the end of this little show Bret chooses the ladies who will stay, you know the drill. The last girl he chooses is Crazy Spice. He even says, "This girl is crazy, but I like that." Now it becomes apparent why Bret Michaels is nearing his 40's and still single.

But you know what, he's not alone. Men are attracted to crazy like cops to donuts. I don't get it. Why put yourself through the hell of dealing with someone who makes bi-polar look enjoyable? Crazy comes with a lot of different emotions, none of them good. There's paranoia, jealousy, envy, anger, suspicion, depression, frantic, rejection, abandonment, you name it. A man can never have a solid relationship with a woman who is crazy. Signing up with Crazy insured your life will be hell. But there they go, these men, lining up for the next psycho with a big grin plastered on their faces.

To me, that's crazy.

F-F-Freezin'

It's 90 degrees outside and I have a heater going full-blast in my office. Damn labs. Why they got to keep this place so cold, eh?

The beautiful day is there, right there, outside my window. I put my hand on the glass and I can feel the loveliness. I have to wait for my hand to thaw out before taking it off the glass, that or chip the ice away from around my fingers. At the end of the day, you watch this building, you'll see us emerge in snow suits and be naked by the time we get to the parking lot.

I found out my sister is having a baby girl! Yipee! I'm so glad, I wanted a girl. Not that a boy would have been bad, mind you, but we already have one of those. This evens things out.

Ta.

Haaaaa, Take THAT!

I'm so glad Michael Vic is finally getting what he deserves. The conceited prick acts like he's above the rest of us but the stupid git won't be playing football this year. Why? Because of that little dog fighting ring they busted on his property. Oh yeah, for those of you still clinging onto the hope that he's an innocent man - just keep watching.

I'm not happy that Vic is not going to be playing for the Falcons this year. I'm much happier knowing the Falcons will be down a man! I hate Atlanta. Not just the football team but the whole damn city. I hate Atlanta streets, traffic, people, and places. The whole city of Atlanta could turn into a mushroom cloud and I could care less.

It's a personal thing, I haven't just pulled Atlanta out of a hat. When I have visited Atlanta, or driven through it on my way to Savannah, something bad happens. It never fails. So I revel in Atlanta's misfortune. Ha-ha ha, ha-ha-ha ha.

Great Scot!

I have this unnatural desire to go to Scotland. The desire is so strong that I looked up flights yesterday. It's not as expensive as I thought, round trip is about $750. Honey and I could go to Scotland for the same amount we're going to Hawaii. While perusing the travel sights I came across an ad for Scottish Singles. Oh, you know I took a look.

There is good news. The ladies of Scotland have the same choices as we ladies here in the US. Crap. Yep, one or two cute guys popped up but for the most part Scottish men are just as average, overweight, and ugly as the American chaps (on such sites, not as a whole). However, Scottish men do have one thing I wish American men had - honesty.

Here in America you click on a person profile and it's, "I like puppies, walks on the beach, watching movies, having dinner, blah, blah, blah." The Scottish guys were, "I'm looking for a one night stand with two ladies and myself!" Finally, honesty in the cyber-dating world. Because you know about 85% of the men on these sites are not there because they have a choice of women. They go on these sites because they are having a hard time finding a lady and they just want to have sex. Oh, face it, 85% of the ladies on such sites are there for the same reason. I bet if a woman placed the following ad she'd have 100 responses in an hour.

"Woman with no desire to start a serious relationship is looking for any guy with enough money to buy food and condoms for one night only. Conversation is desired but if you posses enough verbal skills to order alcohol, that's fine too. I have no interest in your life, career, or future plans, just be sure your penis is above average size. Photographs required as proof. Guys with lots of issues need not apply. Must have own transportation."

There you go.

Goooood Eatin'

I have found a place that will become part of my regular eating habits. It's called Marco's and it is located at 8600 Olive Street near U City. It's a Soul Food restaurant and it is a little piece of Heaven on Earth. One of my co-workers ate there and has been raving about it since.

The restaurant was clean, cute, and cozy. You can order off the menu or choose from the buffet. I had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn with a slice of corn bread. Oooooh, so goooood. I haven't had food like that since I left the South. The price was reasonable for the portions. I couldn't eat everything, in fact I think I need to take a nap so what I did eat can settle.

The service was immaculate. I learned the owner was a postal worker for many years, making a fabulous salary, when she saw the building and decided to follow her dream of opening a restaurant. She quit her job, opened the place, and has not looked back.

I'm telling you, if you want great food at a good price served in a nice environment with great service, Marco's is for you. They also serve breakfast and dinner. Hurry up and go while you can because once word gets out it would not surprise me to see a line wrapped around the building. Oh, it's closed Mondays.

Boogaloo

My husband has a representative of Apple in town to set-up his new editing system. Last night we took the guy out to dinner. He was a really nice guy. He was very polite and we shared that pleasant conversation people who would otherwise have nothing to do with each other share. However, once the subject of computers came up he changed.

His eyes began to sparkle. He became more animated, and he spoke with such passion and enjoyment I wanted to run right out and buy stock in Apple. I had no idea what he said, of 'course, but he really does enjoy his job. He let me play with his iPhone. It's cool. I couldn't really figure it out (and it only has one freaking button!) but it was nifty. The things you can do with it are pretty amazing.

Poor guy, though. He travels pretty much all the time. He can't have any pets and he's lost quite a few girlfriends. But hey, he's seen some pretty cool things and gets to go everywhere so I'm not feeling too sorry for him.

We went to Boogaloo's, this little place in Maplewood. It's a really nice place and the food is great. I had the spinach salad and it was yuuuuuummy. Service was a bit slow, though. But hey, I wasn't paying so I wasn't tipping. If you ever want a nice meal and a good drink I'd suggest stopping by. This ain't no Boogaloo commercial so if you want to know where it is, look it up.

Band Rant

I typed this up a while ago but I just like it so much.

I hate these annoying new bands that release a song that sounds great on the radio, but once you hear them live you realize they stink like fish guts left out in the sun. When Mick Jagger sang about not getting any satisfaction he sounded great on the album and live. Today its so easy to slap a guitar and screech out a warbled tune, put it into a computer, and come out sounding like Michael Crawford in his Phantom debut. You know what I call that? False advertising.

What do CD’s cost these days, anywhere between $15 - $22 bucks? And what are you getting for that money? Music that has been fed through a computer and altered to make it appear someone has talent. With a $49.99 computer program you can make all your own music at home and never have to buy another artists album again. But I’ll get to that later, stay with me.

So you buy the CD and you decide it was worth your hard earned money. Next thing you know Bobbie Two Shoes and his Screaming Posse are coming to town for a concert. You pay your $35 a ticket to sit in the nose bleeds or be pressed against the sweating masses known as the Pit and spend another $45 getting two drinks and a t-shirt. The big act comes onto the stage after an hour and a half of some shitty opening band and what do you get? Absolute crap.

The lead singer who sounded so smoky and bluesy on the album squeaks like a mouse caught in a trap. The drummer couldn’t keep a decent beat if he had a jail cell and the guitars are set so loudly all you can do is tolerate the noise. What’s worse, they play five songs and hit the dressing rooms, sometimes gracing their audience with a two-song encore. You leave the venue well aware you would have heard better acts at the American Idol auditions, and for free, too.

The really annoying part is from now on you’ll see these imposters in any and everything imaginable. They’re doing Coke commercials, selling you insurance and shoes, hosting the MTV Music awards, or slaughtering some other great bands song in a tribute. All those mindless drones who do what the advertisers tell them will be wearing their cloths and imitating their attitudes. Its too bad certain humans don’t take after Lemurs, then at least once a year I’d know most of them will meet their much needed death.

Take Avril Lavene…please. She comes out sounding all right and she’s got that cute I’m-a-virgin-but-hang-out-with-nothing-but-guys punk mistress thing going on. We see her all over the place, talk about what hair care products and zit cream she uses, watch the isn’t-she-just-great interviews with Carson Daley and Katie Curic. Then the Metallica tribute known as MTV Icon comes on and she sings a great song like she’s inventorying her underwear. I didn’t think it was possible to sing in a monotone but she clearly pulled it off.

I’d like to bitch slap her two-toned hair off her head for defacing such a great band’s hard work. This is why MTV flavor-of-the-months should not be allowed to do anything of this sort until they have released at least three albums. Three SUCCESSFUL albums, thank you.

We need more musicians like Henry Rollins. He doesn’t have an army of fans like the boy bands do, but those fans he has are hard-core loyal. Henry gives it his all in every concert or performance. He doesn’t hold back and put his best work into a studio’s microphone, he grips the mic and pushes each and every word through his gut. When you come home from a Henry Rollins show you don’t wonder if you’ve just seen the same person live you’ve listened to an a CD. You know where the talent is and you have been blessed to witness it.

Don't get me started on those Frou-frou light and firecracker shows little Miss. Big Tits and the boy bands put on. If I want to see nothing but flare I go see Cique de Soleil.

I'll be in the Can

I seem to have eaten something my body didn't like. Unlike normal people who may have a night, or even a few hours, of painful pooping and then get over it my body seems to take it personally. My stomach has been making such noises at work today my co-worker actually commented on it.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm in pain, I've been pooping for two days, usually around 2 or 3am, my asshole hurts, and I'm afraid to fart least I shit my pants, but yeah, I'm just fine."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Now I'm afraid to eat anything (nothing in, nothing out, eh?). So I sit here in my stinky office and pray no one needs anything. The first person who opens that door is going to have a nasty day, I can guarantee it.

The Coolest Thing On Earth Today

The Russians found a perfectly preserved baby Mammoth. How freaking cool is that? And before you science-ignorant freaks start crying out loud it CANNOT be cloned. You need whole cells for that and freezing makes cells burst. Too damn bad, I'd love to see a Mammoth come-back. I'm just really glad the farmer who found her knew to call the right people. We could have lost a major part of history if he had ignored it.

The construction continues at my University. Today they are taking out a perfectly good sidewalk for absolutely no reason. If the construction workers stick to their format, they'll find a way to mess it up. It will have to be taken out again and fixed the right way (seems to be their status quo). If your going to do something, you might as well do it twice. That way you can suck the maximum amount of money out of this college, thereby crushing any hopes we employees have of getting a decent raise. Do I sound bitter? Let's see, they block roads with their construction equipment, they spread gravel and sharp objects all over campus causing flat tires, people have been injured due to their presence, and they never do anything right the first time. Bitter? You bet your ass.

Hey, have you noticed how Al Qaeda and the Iraq war are starting to make the top news stories again? Have you heard that the terrorists plan to really screw us this summer? And how about how Al Qaeda is at it's strongest since 9/11? Odd, isn't it, that these news stories are coming back just as Bush is being raked over the coals. If you were a leader of a country that hated you what would you do to get back in their good graces? Why, show them something they can really hate, that's what. It's called deflection and don't you dare fall for it. Remember all the hoopla we faced when going to war the first time? It all turned out to be lies, didn't it!

The news channels that convinced us to go to war the first time are the exact same news channels reporting how much danger we are in right now. Coincidence? NO! Money in the pocket, I say. Our leader has lied to us continually, why should he stop now? And why shouldn't he use the media that is firmly in his pocket to do it. Our government is trying to make us afraid so we'll stop obsessing with the things that really matter. If we are a country crippled by fear than we can't take action against those who are really hurting us. The Iraq war is turning out to be a big, sucking sink-hole just like Vietnam, and just like Vietnam our leaders don't have the balls to admit it. They'd rather keep lying and doing their little dance hoping we'll fall for it all over again. Fuck that.

And Fuck Bush. If he has his way not only will we never leave Iraq, we'll go to war with Iran as well. This would be a fatal mistake, people. FATAL. Don't believe a work our "leader" has to say. In today's world we are always in danger. In today's world there is always someone to wants to kill us. That hasn't changed, the only things that's changed is Paris Hilton is no longer making the news.

Baby Shower Part II

I get to throw my sister another baby shower. Last time she had a baby I was not financially able to do what I wanted. This time I am. I just wish I knew the sex of the baby, that would make things easier. Oh well, I can wait.

We'll be having this baby shower in a bar, just like we did my nephew's. Why? Because my sister's good friend's husband owns one. Hey, fine by me. I don't think the baby will care it's shower was held in a bar, and as far as I know my friends and relatives will be quite happy with the arrangement as well. I know I will.

So now I have to come up with some games and prizes and find a cute cake. We have to send out invites. This is fun. I know you guys are there would rather eat your own toenails than have to plan a baby shower. That's fine, it's a girl thing and I know it. My husband and the father will be as far away from us on that day as they can get.

So, I'm off to plan...

Want a Better Country? Start Killing People.

China executed the former State FDA Chief after finding out he was able to be bought. They had this to say:

"Zheng Xiaoyu's grave irresponsibility in pharmaceutical safety inspection and failure to conscientiously carry out his duties seriously damaged the interests of the state and people," Xinhua cited the high court as stating.

Hmmmm, he seriously damaged the interests of the state and people. Who else has done that in, oh, say, this country? Oh, I don't know, just about everyone in a position of power. Certainly our President and most of his cabinet. I wonder what would have happened if we'd chopped off Scooter's head instead of slapping him with a 2-year prison sentence. Think Bush would have been so quick to jump on Libby's bandwagon? But of 'course, if we killed people who wronged this country Bush would have been dead a long time ago.

We, as a country, need to start holding our leaders accountable for their actions and we need to do it in a big way. How many lobbyists would lie their rotten teeth out if they knew they could die for what they said? How many politicians would make promises they knew they weren't going to keep if a death sentence hung over their heads? I bet we'd see a hell of a lot more honesty if the liars that lead us could be killed for those lies.

I'm going to start a petition to bring back public executions. I know I'm not alone in wanting to see our president swinging from the end of a rope. Let's tie and quarter his ass and put his big, empty head on a stick right next to the Washington Monument. I'd pay at least $20 to see that. Then we'll work our way down through ranks until we finish off with corrupt mayors and governors. We'd have the best, most honest leaders around, boy.

Am I alone in this?

It's all Mr. Roger's Fault

A nice little piece about why you should never tell your kid he's special.

Bad Day

Something is wrong with me today. I am in a foul, horrible, vicious mood and there isn't a reason for it. I have to get new tires today because I ran over a drill bit on the road yesterday. That's no big deal, really, but it seems to have started something...

I just bitched at my Dad for no reason, he was only trying to be funny. My husband is walking around on egg shells because he knows when I'm going psycho. I have been short and snippy with everyone at work. I don't mind being pissy when I have a reason, but this is really strange.

Since I am in this bad mood I think I'll share some of the thins that make me crazy any day.

I hate it when I ask a person a question, and instead of giving me an answer that person assumes I am asking for a different reason, then tries to answer that question instead.

For example: I ask the question, "Is So-and-so here today?" This is a yes or no question. However, the person I ask answers, "I don't think he has that report ready." What? No, is he here. It's yes or no, how fucking hard is it to answer yes or no? You don't know what I'm thinking, or why I'm asking, so don't ASSUME anything, just answer the damn question. Is. He. Here?

I also hate over-information.
"Is he here?"
"He had a 8:45 meeting and then he was going to go to the Med School for a while, but he should be in his car around 1:30 - unless he decides to go to this place in which case you can probably reach him around 3:30 or try him at home after 5."
I don't need his damn schedule, just answer the question.

Another thing that annoys me is people who want to tell you something but they want you to ask first. For example:
A co-worker of mine will come into the break room. She'll walk in real slow with a sour look on her face and then just stare at me. When I don't ask, "Gee, what's wrong?" she'll throw her papers down on the counter, give a big, suffering sigh, and maybe push a few buttons on the copier violently. She wants me to ask what's wrong. I still don't take the bait, so then she'll say something like, "I don't need this today." Here's where I'm supposed to ask, "Today?" But I don't. I grab my coffee and I get the hell out. It's a trap and I know it. I'll spend the next 40 minutes listening to her bitch about something I could give a rat's ass about. If you want to unload on someone just do it, don't try to be coy.

I also hate when people switch the topic of conversation....in their minds. They don't tell you they've switched topics and when you get confused they get bitchy, like it's YOUR fault they went from talking about grocery shopping to the national deficit in one sentence.

Oy. I hope this mood passes quickly because contrary to popular belief, I do not like being this way.

Monday Again?

I don't care who you are, you're not going to see this twice.

I had a fabulous weekend. I got my hair cut and made a lot of jewelry and played with my dog. Hubby got back from Indy tired and crabby. I knew he would be, so I went out and got stuff for dinner, cleaned the house a bit, and when he got home told him he could do anything he wanted. Poor baby thought he had the rest of the night to relax but then he logged onto World of Warcraft and found while he was gone major shit hit the fan. He had to play mediator for a lot of people. Hello? This is a game! Poor guy. It sucks when your fantasy world gets to be too much like the real world.

Then he turned his attention to me! I am such a lucky woman, I love my husband so much. I'm so glad we have Wednesday off, even though it will totally screw up my week. Next weekend should be a blast. I'm off to see my family and prove to my nephew, over and over again, that Superman is not of this world. He doesn't believe me, but we're going to Metropolis so I will have plenty of opportunities to rub his nose in my superiority.