Happy Friday!

It's Friday. It's the end of the month. And it's a holiday weekend. Yipee!

Today is going to be a busy one. My co-worker brought me something today. Her mother has made cookbook after cookbook throughout her whole life. Now her mother wants to get rid of them, so she gave one to me. It's a photo album with clippings and such from every imaginable source. Some of these look sooooo good. That was so sweet of her. I'm truly honored that she would give me, a virtual stranger, one of her books simply because I work with her daughter. So I'll be spending the day making out a grocery list.

I'm going to lunch with another co-worker of mine. She is having gastric bypass surgery next week, this will be the last chance for her to eat like a normal person. We're going someplace called the Cupcake Factory. With a name like that, I'm all in.

After work today Hubby and I are going to a park to watch a friend of ours race. She is one of those die hard bikers, this is a die hard race. I'll be sitting in her teams tent sipping margaritas and eating Qdoba. She wants me to braid her hair. I'm much better braiding other people's hair than my own. I think I'll do a double French braid right down the back. She wants the logo on the back of her shirt to be visible. It should be a good day for it, I'll just have to slather on the bug repellent. She and her husband are both on my MS-150 team, Go Bad Dog!

After that it's off to another friend's apartment for pizza and beer. This is the same friend who's birthday party I went to last Saturday. She lives in this wonderful apartment complex, an old 1928 building that has been kept in pristine condition. It's simply gorgeous. The hallways scream "photo shoot!" They also scream for a couple of twins and a tricycle (who's going to get that, I wonder?) If I were single and didn't mind apartment living I'd wait for a space in that building, no problem.

Have a good weekend.

It's A Good Day

I didn't have frantic professors waiting for me when I got to work today. Always a bonus. This week has gone by pretty quickly. I guess being busy will do that.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. My husband is taking me out to a special place, he won't tell me where. He's also going to buy me flowers. Such a sweet man! He sent me to work with a smile on my face this morning, let me tell you. We're going to ride this weekend but I don't know if it will be on Sunday or Monday. I am so looking forward to a 3-day weekend - sleep, sleep, sleep, ride, sleep.

So they announced the latest celebs on Dancing With The Stars. I saw photos of the contestants. Scary Spice - she's living up to that name, boy. Can you blame Eddie for not hanging around after he saw that in the morning? And Mrs. Garth I-Haven't-Done-Shit-Since-I-Left-90210 is not aging gracefully. At least, not in the photo I saw. She had a double chin! Jane Seymore never ages. She is still gorgeous and classy, I can't wait to see her in a tight little Salsa number. But the guys, two of them I've never heard of, they are easy on the eyes. Well, except for the owner of that football team (shudder), money doesn't make everyone attractive. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the winner will be male. We'll see.

I'm also going to spend this weekend cleaning my house from top to bottom. Our friend from South Carolina is coming into town. We haven't seen him in ages, we miss him. It will be fun to see he and my husband turn into little boys again, they always do when they talk about toys and such. I don't mind being pushed into the background, when those two are together I do nothing but laugh. Weeeee!

Take care.

Visualize

Imagine a little white room with no windows and no doors. In this little room is a woman, running from side to side, screaming. At the end of each lap she bangs her head against a wall as hard as she can. Save for stopping to pant here and there, she continues these actions until finally she knocks herself unconscious.

That is how I feel today.

Why is it most men will wait until the very last minute to do the things he needs to do? And why does that man feel his needs are so much greater than those of his colleagues? And why can't any of them seem to understand I do not give a shit either way?

It's very simple. If I like you, you will get your things on time. If I don't like you, well, we'll see what happens.

My Worst Nightmare

A man fell during cave exploration and is trapped 3 kilometers underground in a tunnel that is small and curvy. It will take up to 3 days to pull this man out, while he has head and back injuries. Just send down a gun with two bullets, please. If the first one doesn't kill me, I may need the second.

I don't have a fear of small spaces if I know I can fit through them and can eventually get out. I don't like them, but I don't fear them. Being trapped in a cave, in a hole not much bigger than me, not knowing how far down I'm going to go or if I'll be able to make it back up - oh my gorsh, scares me to death. I'm getting the heeby-jeebies just thinking about it.

I took my nephew out for ice cream yesterday and I found out an interesting fact. You all know I am not a big fan of the sun. Well, turns out the sun was created by Texas, and if we eradicate the state of Texas we will be able to kill the sun. Who knew?

You ride 44 miles and what do you get?

Another day older and you limp like a git.

44 miles is the longest I have ridden this year. The trail was particularly hilly for the first 27, but was flat for the rest. From mile 36 on I just kept looking at my odometer. 36. 36.5. 37... At about mile 40 I was feeling pretty good. I was tired, but I also felt like I was really accomplishing something. The road was long, and I was in the sun the whole damn time, but there I was, doing it. I felt like a true Amazon, facing and winning out over the elements. Yarg, the Barbarian in me swelled with pride. Then I turned a corner and saw another series of hills, each one looking bigger and steeper than the last. What, pray tell, did this amazon Barbarian Queen do?

She burst into tears.

I stopped once I realized I couldn't cry and breathe, so with determination (and nothing else, I was tapped out) I huffed and puffed my way through the last 4 miles. I rode into the parking lot to the applause of my husband and the rest of my team. That made me feel really good (if, you know, I could have felt anything. I was numb from the eyeballs down). All I could think was nap, nap, nap. The rest of the day passed fairly quietly. Today I am a bit sore but none the worse for ware. I'm kicking the MS-150's ass!

Need to Poop?

Wear a girdle.

Well, folks, not much to report today. Everything is pretty much even-keeled. I'm not complaining. Therefore, I don't have much to say.

Have a great weekend. Hubby and I will be riding again on Sunday so those of you in the St. Louis area pray for good weather.

Michael Vic

Ok, I'm going to say what I have to say about Michael Vic and then I am going to be done with it.

He fucked up.

Here is a man who was paid millions of dollars to play a game. He had endorsement deals filling up his bank account, could go anywhere in the world he wanted to go, he received tons of free shit, and women threw themselves at him constantly. That type of lifestyle is a privileged lifestyle. A person who lives that type of life has to earn it, and once they have it they had better walk the straight and narrow to keep it.

He didn't. He partook in an illegal activity and was gambling on it. Gambling in the NFL is a BIG no-no. Not only did he get caught, but then he lied about it. He would have continued to lie about had his co-conspirators not ratted him out. That shows me the man has a huge lack of integrity, almost big enough to match his ego.

Now, were I the NFL commissioner, deciding what to do with Vic wouldn't be that hard of a decision. He's out. He's gone. He will never play football for the NFL again. But oh no, we as a society treat our entertainers soooooo much differently than real people. If Vic had been a normal man we would have grabbed our torches and pitchforks and marched to the castle. But since he's a football player we have to grapple with the punishment he should receive. Will it be too harsh? Will he be allowed to play football again? Or, oh no! Will he be made an example of? He should be made an example. An example of how not to fuck up!

How many players are in the NFL? Hundreds. And how many will sell their mother to get the position Michael Vic fucked away? Thousands. So don't give poor little Vic any damn sympathy. He brought this on himself. On a side note, any human being who perpetuates the savage "sport" of dog fighting should be buried under a jail. One who can watch dogs rip each other to shreds and get enjoyment out of it has serious issues, and they don't need to be glorified. Vic has blood on his hands, and the NFL should want to get as far away from him as possible.

There, I'm done.

Clips

As you know I ride a bike. For the last two years I have been using standard pedals, the flat kind that you can find on any BMX in the country. As of yesterday I am happy to report I will never use them again.

My husband put clip pedals on my bike (I'm sure there is a better name for them, but go with me here). Your shoe has a clip attached to the bottom, they clip into the pedals trapping your feet. This way you can pull as well as push when you are pedaling. I didn't know how well I would like these things, but I'd already bought the shoes ($$$!) so I went for it.

I. Love. Them! I will never go back. My speed increased immediately and I didn't jam my toes into the bottom of my shoe every time I stood up. My ankles don't move around as much, either. These things are great. I am so looking forward to the MS150 now. After riding yesterday morning I felt great.

On a side note, yesterday morning was overcast and rainy. If I could ride in weather like that all the time I'd be a very happy girl. Damn sun...

My Heart Bleeds

Those poor miners. I was sad this morning but not for me. I don't think Stephen King could have come up with something so cruel. I feel for the families of the rescue workers who have died, but my heart bleeds for the families of the miners who, it may turn out, will be left to die. To imagine my husband alone, slowly starving to death or running out of oxygen, knowing there is no one coming to help...God, I can't think of anything more horrible. I hope for their sake this last collapse killed them all and spared them such a gruesome fate.

As for me I feel better every day. Today I am experiencing a euphoric out-of-body feeling. I walk down the hall feeling like I am 7 feet tall, then I'm 3 feet tall, them I'm 7 feet tall, then I'm 3 feet tall. Sudden movements make me dizzy but not in an unpleasant way. Hey, if I'm going to have these symptoms I might as well enjoy them. Last night my nightmares were minimal. I dreamt I was on a team studying jungle snakes. We were trying to wrangle a bunch of them into a box. There were red snaked, green snakes, black snakes, and blue snakes. They all liked to bite, but none of them were poisonous. Then we found a snake who's nest had been vandalized. The eggs were broken and the mother snake had been frozen. Then the alarm went off.

Behold the Power of Sleep

I went home from work early yesterday and slept the day away. I woke up long enough to watch the 2-hour final performances of So You Think You Can Dance, then it was back to bed for more sleep. Today I am feeling normal and dare I say...do I say it?....happy.

My head is still foggy and I'm setting up an emergency office in the bathroom, but I'm good. Another crises averted. I don't know if there are any more episodes of severe depression in my future but at least now I'll know what's going on. And my poor husband will know what's going on. He was all set to pack my bags for the crazy train. Sorry, hon, you'll just have to wait.

We are going to ride this weekend no matter how hot it is. Our MS-150 is just around the corner, we can't afford to get lazy. The weathermen say it's supposed to be nice on Sunday, but these are the same weathermen who get everything else wrong so I'll wait until Sunday morning to get excited. I have new shoes to use!! I've graduated from regular pedals to the clips. The countdown to my first face-plant starts Sunday. They say, when you change over to clips, you will fall. It isn't a question of if, it is a question of when. I have always proven "them" wrong so we'll see.

Off to work...

Feeling Better

I feel a bit better today. I had a nice long talk with my husband last night. I wasn't being very fair to him. He didn't refuse to have sex with me yesterday. I was giving off the "leave me alone" vibes. Kind of kills any wants to be amorous. Not an issue today. I'm the happiest depressed woman in the state.

I spoke with my mom, too. She tells me this is what menopause is like. It's something to look forward to, I guess. When menopause does hit I plan on investing in as many drugs as I can. I don't care who you are, just try taking happy pills away from a menopausal woman.

Irony

When I titled my last post I had no idea how close to the mark I was. I've been having problems lately. They started about last Friday. I was standing in the middle of my work party and suddenly I became very sad. So much so that I ran from the party and hid out in my office for a few minutes. I was on the verge of tears and I had no idea why. I got home, changed, and went to my sister's house to paint with my nephew. I enjoyed myself. But when I got back home I felt empty and sad again. Dismissing it as being tired from a long week I went to bed. The rest of the weekend went pretty smoothly until Sunday. We were supposed to go to the movies but my stomach hurt. So I did laundry all day, getting more and more depressed as I went.

Sunday night I became so enraged at my husband for playing his damn video game. There I was, AGAIN, alone, listening to him yuk it up with a bunch of people who aren't even real! I hadn't heard from any of my friends in a while and I felt so completely useless. I entertained thoughts of cutting myself just to see me bleed. Without a word to my husband I went to bed. Fuck him and him stupid-ass friends. Fuck my friends. Fuck everyone.

Monday wasn't much better. I carried such a deep depression I could hardly smile. I was so tired, but I knew I'd slept all night because I'd had nightmares all night (except for the storm, that was real). I wanted to lash out at everyone, especially my husband. He didn't give a shit about me. No one wanted to spend any time with me, or call, or even write a fucking email. No one was there for me, I had to face this all alone, only I wasn't really sure what "this" was. I was unhappy, miserably alone, and needed someone to talk to. No one was there.

Today wasn't much better. I cried all the way into work because my husband refused to have sex with me. I drove like a madwoman half hoping I'd get in an accident and kill someone, and half hoping I'd get into an accident and kill myself. I had nothing to live for, no one to talk to, and nothing to hope for. I emailed my only friend and got nothing in return. My mom called in that "What do you possibly have to be upset about" voice. I was ready to empty my bank account, get into my car, and drive until I ran out of money. I didn't care about anyone. Let them hurt. Let them wonder. Let them all burn in hell.

I thought I was going crazy. Not that anyone would care, but it really disturbed me. I didn't want to lose my mind at such an early age. I was hiding in my office keeping the tears at bay when it finally hit me what could be wrong.

I looked it up on the internet and sure enough, I am experiencing Inderal withdrawal. It's a migraine medication that I have been weening myself off of these last two weeks. Nightmares, nausea, depression, anxiety - it's all there. I'd like to thank my co-worker, she was there when I needed someone to talk to and I greatly appreciate it.

I'm still depressed. I still feel like everyone can go to hell. I still feel lonely and rejected. But at least now I know what's amplifying these feelings. Now I just have to deal with the sources.

I'm Withdrawing...

From the world. Bye.

Grrrr

What do you do when a Boxer smacks you in the face?

You smack him back.

It's not the same without the claws, though. My dog had such energy last night I wished for a treadmill. I guess sleeping alllll day will do that to a little guy. I feel bad but we can't go out and play, it's been too damn hot. In the evening when the sun has gone down it's all right to play, but then I have to fend off 56 mosquitoes. Arg, I hate hot weather.

Barry Bondage

I do not accept Barry Bonds as the new home run record holder. It may be reported that way, and it will go down in history that way, but I myself do not recognize it as a real achievement.

When a player enhances his abilities with drugs it takes away any credibility. A person who used a motorcycle in the Tour de France would not be considered the winner, right? People who run the Boston marathon don't have the option of starting in the middle of the race. So why should a man junked up on steroids be given this honor? He shouldn't. In my opinion he's not an athlete, he's a man who runs on chemicals.

If you took the steroids out of Bonds his performance would suffer. That right there is enough reason for me to deny him any honors. I'm not a baseball fan but I am a fan of honesty and integrity. To me Bonds has neither and I will treat him as such.

Today is Not My Day

Everything I touch today turns to crap. So if you're trying to log on to blogger and can't - it's probably my fault.

We have a lot of things going on this week and I helped plan most of them. Today we've had a speaker disappear, an exam that was supposed to be given today has been online for the last 24 hours, and the food I ordered to be delivered at noon showed up at 12:22.

And the really important things haven't even happened yet. I'm afraid to see what else will go wrong.

Is it only Tuesday?

We Are Family

I have a new brother-in-law-to-be. My sister-in-law Lace is engaged. Her fiance is sooooooo nice, both in person and on the eyes. It's a good match. Now he only needs to give my father-in-law 12 goats and the deal will be sealed...

I was thinking about my family a lot this weekend. I remember something about my mom that made me smile. When I lived and worked in Savannah, GA, my parents came to visit me. I was working for the Savannah College of Art and Design at the time and we had a very nice house where important guests stayed. It was called Casey House after the actor, Berny Casey. Anyway, I managed to get my mom and dad a room in the house.

These rooms were gorgeous. The whole place was gorgeous. If Oprah came to stay at SCAD, this is where she would stay. It's more like a house than a hotel. The kitchen is fully stocked, there is a large living/sitting room, and each room has it's own bathroom. My mom and dad were staying in the room with two single beds. This room only had a shower. The other rooms had bathrooms with jacuzzi tubs. My mom and dad were alone in the house the first night they stayed so I told my mom if she wanted a jacuzzi bath go ahead, just clean up afterwards.

That night my mom snuck into one of the other rooms and began filling the tub with water. My mother was new to the whole jacuzzi tub scene and decided to test the jets before the tub was full.

Oh, you know what happened. After screaming and flaying around like a trapped bird she finally got the jets off. The entire room took a shower.

There was my mother, naked as a jaybird, soaked to the skin, trying to clean up the entire bathroom so no one would know her mistake. You know, I don't know if she actually took a bath after wiping the whole room down. Needless to say, she stuck to the shower for the rest of her trip. We had a good laugh about it and the guests that evening were none the wiser.

Love ya, Mom!

It's a Simple Question

Do they honestly think we don't know they're lying? This Ronald Reagan defense isn't working, guys, how 'bout you fess up and stop treating us like we're a bunch of fucking morons.

If you're too lazy to read the article it's about Pat Tillman and his death. Rumsfeld and all the other war criminals are claiming they can't remember a damn thing about Tillman's death or the circumstances which caused the truth of his death to be delayed for so long.

"I know that I would not engage in a cover-up. I know that no one in the White House suggested such a thing to me. I know that the gentlemen sitting next to me are men of enormous integrity and would not participate in something like that," Rumsfeld said, adding he didn't recall discussing the Tillman matter with the White House until the fratricide became public knowledge.

How could Rumsfeld say this with a straight face? Hasn't he been paying attention? The White House is made up of lies and cover-ups! We know it, they know it, hell, the whole world knows it. Is this how far out of touch with reality these guy's are? Do they think this is 6 years ago when they could say anything they wanted and the republican masses would go along with it like zombies? Times have changed, I think they need to keep up. I think they need to go out on the street and pay attention to us, the people, because we all know each and every one of them is full of shit.

I feel sorry for the Tillman family. They are having to go through this twice. Once when it was a lie, and now the pitiful cover-up of that lie. Why aren't these guys in prison? What do they think is going to happen when the White House changes guard?

I'm not stupid enough to buy this bullshit.