Tomorrow is the Big Day

Tomorrow is the Rookie Rumble. I am so excited/nervous about it. As the organizer and Captain of the pink team I have been stressed to the max. Things are finally falling into place. I can be more of a skater now and not so much a slave-master.

I think my team has a pretty good chance at winning. We are organized, have been practicing non-stop, and have come up with many different strategies. I'm not saying the other team hasn't done these things, but I think my team is a bit more organized. No matter who wins I am proud of my team. We have been together for less than a month but we work so well together.

The only thing that bothers me is Buns is on the black team. If we win I will be very happy, but I will also have beaten my derby wife. I know how hard she works and it will be a bittersweet moment for me. I care so much for her and I know what she'll be feeling. If she wins, she knows how I will be feeling. It's nice. But it's gonna suck a little no matter what.

Last night as I was leaving practice my team gave me hugs and kisses. I was taken aback at first, but then I felt all warm and gooey inside. The only thing I've ever wanted to do with this team is be a good example, support them unconditionally, and give them the tools they need to better themselves out there on the rink. Last night I felt I had done my job. As a Captain one often takes a lot of shit. This I wasn't prepared for, but I think I've handled it pretty well. I've tried to keep my mouth shut (it tends to act on it's own a lot of times). I tell you what, though. I couldn't have done this alone. Doom, derby wife and the other Pink Captain, is a phenomenal person and she has been extraordinary in this role. She's only 24, in a couple of years she is going to be a superstar, you just watch.

I'll be kind of glad when this is all over and I can dedicate parts of my brain to things non-derby. We, hubby and I, are going to Savannah in July. We need to start saving up gas money now! I haven't written or created anything in the last few weeks. I have to dig a bunch of stuff up from the basement and I just haven't had the time/energy. Between derby and housework I only have time for sleep.

Wish me luck!

My Husband Does Not Beat Me

I think I need a t-shirt with that on it. I have:

A big purple bruise on my right elbow
A bruise and several scrapes on my right arm
A healing bruise or two on my left arm
A big ol' ugly bruise on my right hip
A big ol' ugly bruise on my right buttock
My abs are sore
My hip bones are sore

This is all from derby, of 'course. We've been practicing for the Rookie Rumble and things are getting exciting (read - physical). Last night I took out one of our bigger girls (she's hard to take down, it was a proud moment) only to have her team mate land on me. That's what ground my hip bones into the floor. Doing 100 crunches and then 30 minutes of yoga on Sunday is what's made my abs sore. The bruises are just par for the coarse.

I've come a long way since my injury. A month ago I didn't think I had a snowballs chance in hell of being drafted to a team, but now I have a little hope. I make plenty of mistakes, but I'm learning from them.

Tonight we have a speed skating lesson. A retired Olympic speed skater is coming to our rink and giving us a good workout. I'm very excited, speed is something we all can improve on. All the fancy foot-work in the world doesn't do any good if you're behind everyone. No one can see you!

Sunday my team (Go Pink!) had a team bondage day. We worked out, then ate a healthy dinner, and then tied one on while playing games and rocking out with Rock Star! Some of the Black team members showed up for the second half. I was sitting on the floor, a beer between my legs because I had foolishly worn a skirt (thank god I had undies!) listening to one of my girls tell a story and I realized something.

I knew every person's name in that room. There had been laughs and tears shared with many of them. I had offered my support at times, and in turn they had supported me at times. I knew some better than others, but I would consider all of them my friend. We all formed a complicated mesh of personalities and humor, and I was a part of it. I wasn't looking in from the outside wishing I could be a part of it, I was a part of it. I am a part of it. It was a spectacular feeling.

All the bumps, the falls, the face an inch from a filthy floor, the wretched stench of unwashed wrist guards, the cursed words, and the agony of drill after drill after drill - worth it! The scrapes, bruises, and sore spots - worth it!

So I'll just get the shirt and be done with it.

Bastards!

Someone vandalized Stonehenge!

This disgusts me to no end. Vandalize our modern buildings and artworks all you want, but to attack an ancient artifact is sacrilege in my eyes. Thousands of years. Those stones have been around for thousands of year and some piece of shit feels he has the right to take a chunk of it.

Enraged! Those stones survived the Druids, the Romans, the Danes, and the French. If our selfish, rotten society spawns demons who feel they can do whatever they want to our relics there won't be anything left for our children.

Only a sick, depraved individual would do such a thing. I hope they find these leeches and bring back public hangings. After they institute public beatings. Not since Christ carried his cross down the street would the public see such brutality! Skinning them alive would be too good for them.

Grrrrrrrrrr!

Ted Kennedy

So, dear ol' Ted has a brain tumor. Wow. I never thought he would die from such a thing. I always suspected his liver would give out first. Drinking a gallon of vodka a day tends to put most people in an early grave.

When I was in high school my business law class put on a mock trial of the Chappaquiddick incident. For you youngins out there Ted went on a little drive around Martha's Garden when he was barely an adult. He had a passenger named Mary Jo Kopechne. His car went off a bridge and landed in the water. Ted walked away, Mary Jo was found the next day dead as a door nail.

We (my legal team, the defense) prepared for this trial for two months. We read everything we could get our hands on. This was BEFORE the internet, so we actually had to do some work. When the trial commenced my team tore the prosecution apart. Hey, we were good. Aside from getting an A+ in that class I learned something else.

Ted Kennedy is a lying sack of shit.

In my opinion he let that girl die, and his family helped cover it up. So the fact that he has a mass of cancer slowly eating his brain makes me pretty happy. Hey Ted, payback is a bitch!

Don't expect me to mourn when Teddy finally kicks the bucket. He's been living on borrowed time. If I were a religious person I would say his sins are coming back to haunt him. It's about damn time.

Frustrated

Well, I'm beating, beating, beating a dead horse.
Telling it to wake up and get back on course.
- Suri O'Killer

My grandmother is in Alabama visiting my mom and dad. She has absolutely nothing to go back home to in Kentucky, yet she insists she can't stay longer than two weeks with my family. "I have bills to pay," she says. Yep, like those can't be paid from Alabama. I know getting online to pay bills would push my grandmother into an early grave, but the US Postal Service runs in all 50 states, bills in KY can be paid from AL.

But there is no convincing her. When she's made up her mind it's made, no matter how illogical or irrational it may be. I hope I'm never like that. I like to think I can adapt to change pretty quickly. I see what is best for me and I do it. It may not be easy, but in the end I'll know it's what's best. My grandmother is alone, doesn't drive, doesn't have any friends, and her son can't take care of her 24/7. Moving in with my mom and dad, or at least stying with them for more than two weeks, would be a good thing for her. But she's stubborn. So be it.

There's a New Dog in Town

Actually, in my house. I'm dog sitting for Riddle Lynn, ARRG roller girl and Captain of the M80s. Cinnamon is a very cute, very sweet pooch with a very busy tail and a penchant for jumping. She and my baby Beo are getting along very well. The hubby picked her up last night from our derby practice, so I missed the initial homecoming, but when I did get home it was nothing but paws and noses.

Both of them like each other and settled in with my husband pretty quickly. Oh, but wait! When the new chick started to get a bit too close to Mommy Beo decided that was enough sharing. He nosed her out of the way and wouldn't let her come near me. Awwwww, such jealousy is heart-warming.

This morning they were bouncing around the house like they'd been paroled. I don't think I can handle two hyper dogs at one time. When it comes time for my kitty to go to the great litter box in the sky I think we'll get a nice mellow dog to complete the family unit. Maybe a bulldog or...well, what other dog out there is lazy? A hound dog? I don't know.

Last night hubby and I laid in bed talking about things. He asks, "I wonder if, when Beo snores, she'll get up and smack him?" I love you honey, even when I'm dog tired you can make me laugh.

Back to work...

Poop-tastic Day

I woke up this morning with the burning in my gut that could only signify one thing - it was going to be one of those days. I knew I'd be running to the bathroom all day because my body just CAN'T get rid of everything all at once. Oh no, that would be too easy.

At home and at work the problem isn't so bad. It's that damn drive in between. I knew exactly when my body would need to go - right around the time I was nowhere near a bathroom. That's right about halfway between work and home. So I did what I could at home and then raced to the car intending on breaking the record for fastest drive to work (just under 12 minutes).

Not to be. I found a cop on my ass the minute I left my neighborhood and that jerk-ass mother-fucker stayed on my ass until I got to work. Doing the speed limit with clenched butt-cheeks SUCKS. Let me just say that again, SUCKS!!

Never have I been in so much pain or so certain that I was going to shit my pants. At one point I wanted to flag the cop down so I could poop on him. Yep, that bad. I would have planted my feet firmly on the hood of his car, squatted, and given him an exclusive show of the morning shits. I would have gladly gone to jail if the cop had to drive with a big, brown smear drying on his hood.

Luckily it didn't come to that. I made it to work and put a hurting on the ladies restroom it will not soon forget. The good news is, four hours later, I feel loads better!

Bout #3 - Another Success

The M80's whuped the Smashinistas 102 to 40 last night.  If you missed it (and shame on you if you did!) it was an amazing bout.  Unfortunately Jesse Cut-throat broke her arm during the second period.  It's a part of derby, but my thoughts and prayers go out to her.  

I'm so happy to be a part of derby.  I have a circle of friends who I never thought in a million years I'd have.  I'm a part of something so amazing I can't even describe it.  I have more confidence and pride in myself and I'm stronger, physically and mentally.  I have a whole new perspective on life.  I no longer feel I am floating around aimlessly wondering what mark I am going to make.  

I'm not a militant feminist but there is something about being around a group of focused, strong women that makes me feel I, as a woman, can do anything .  I have no tolerance for bullshit.  I am in charge of my fate and I love it.  I am soft, curvy, tall, and beautiful; but don't be fooled.  I have a solid core hard as marble.  I wish I could share this feeling with everyone.  

Our next bout is June 14.  Be there!

The Mayor's Party

I am so excited! Tonight Mayor Francis Slay is having his re-election party. Now, I don't care about his politics one way or the other. However, he has invited the Arch Rival Roller Girls to be a part of it. We get to be eye-candy on skates. The best part is it's taking place in a brand new arena and this party will be filled with big-wigs and people with lots of $$$. ARRG needs a new venue for its bouts and a new place to practice. Tonight is going to be a very big night for us!!

I can't wait to get my skates on that brand new floor. My derby wives will both be there so we can practice blocking. I'm getting so much better. Last night the M80s (my temp team) were really happy with the way I skated. That means so much to me! The M80 are the champions and a really, really good team. To get their praise was just such an honor.

I'm in the process of cleaning my skate wheels right now (don't want to soil that gorgeous floor). I also have to sew my name back on my track jacket, damn iron-ons. Oh well.

Tomorrow is our 3rd bout, Beach Blanket Derby. If you're in St. Louis stop on by the All American Sports Complex around 7pm. Have a beer, watch the bout, and get ready for the best time of your life!

Evil!

This is my 666th post!

In celebration of this epic milestone I set about doing evil things. I saw a puppy and I thought, "I'll kick it!" But it was so cute and defenseless I couldn't do it. So I kicked it's owner instead. Who leaves a puppy outside the library on a rainy day?

But that wasn't evil enough. Today the final grades for my classes had to be put into the system by noon. I decided to wait until after the deadline. Ha, in one fell swoop I would be evil to 264 people, bwa-ha-ha! So I put them in at 1pm. Then I found out the deadline has been extended until tomorrow. Crap.

I could be really evil to my derby girls but those bitches would get me back. I can't be evil to my husband because I loves him.

So I resorted to making decaf coffee and putting it in the regular pot. HA! I know, I'm pathetic, but I really don't have any evilness in me. Well, that's not true, but if I'm truly evil it will only come back to bite me in the ass.

So if you've done something evil today, please share! Evil thoughts? Evil deeds? Evil road rage? Let me know, this is the post to do it!

Rules!

In Derby, we have rules for a reason. One of the rules is if you are new and you haven't passed your skills test than there are certain things you simply cannot do.

Last night we were doing blocking drills and two brand new girls were on the rink with us. They fell down right in front of Buns N. Burn'er and Overland Offender. Buns jumped over them (which was pretty damn impressive, I must say) but in landing she fell headfirst and slid into the wall. Had she been going any faster she very well could have broken her neck. As it was she felt a bit queasy and left practice early.

Needless to say, I don't have a whole lot of love for those newbies right now. Part of being a team is knowing your limitations. They could have hurt two very good players last night. Grrrr. I try not to be angry, they want to progress and you can't do that if you don't practice, practice, practice, but Buns is my derby WIFE! Seeing her head snap back like that gave me a freaking heart attack. I was sick with worry all last night. She called me this morning to let me know she felt fine.

Whew!

Death, Life, and Final Exams

My great Aunt Betty died Saturday. Her funeral is tomorrow. I am unable to go because this week is final exams and I cannot leave my post. It is the one day of the whole year that I just cannot go. It makes me a bit sad, Aunt Betty was an extraordinary lady.

She, my grandmother, and their siblings were born in a time where young ladies did very little but find a man to marry and start a family. Their parents, my great grandmother and father, owned a farm in Evansville, IN. It is a beautiful house set on the hill of a beautiful piece of land. They grew everything they ate and raised a handful of animals (pigs, chickens, and goats, mostly). My grandmother and all the other siblings married and left the farm, but Aunt Betty stayed on. When her parents became ill she was the one who cared for them.

Aunt Betty met a man named Arnold and soon they were married. Arnold moved onto the farm and took over operations (because everyone knows a woman simply can't run a farm). They had four children together. Soon enough the world changed and Arnold got a job outside the house. Aunt Betty took over the farm again, raised her children, and supported Arnold in all of the failed business attempts he tried. How did he thank her? By cheating on her with some young bitch named Amber.

So what did Aunt Betty do? She kicked his lying, cheating ass out of the house. She refused to divorce him because that would allow him to marry the whore and take half of the farm, HER families farm, so until the day she died Aunt Betty and Arnold were still married. In those days a woman taking control of her life and the lives of her children was actually looked down upon. Didn't she know a woman's place was right underneath her husband's thumb? She took a lot of shit for being alone, but she stuck to her guns. Her children backed her up because Arnold was a right bastard to everyone.

During this time Aunt Betty suffered from debilitating arthritis. She lived with constant pain and surgery. Yet not one birthday or graduation did she miss. She was present at all of her children's weddings. She never missed a grandchild's birthday. When she was unable to move she would still call or write, letting her family know she loved them very much. About 15 years ago Aunt Betty was moved to a home. She would dress up and clean her room when she expected company. No matter how much pain she was in she never complained. When her body became twisted and trapped her in bed she still had a smile or a laugh for anyone.

Aunt Betty was a class act, there aren't a whole lot of women like her around anymore. The farm now belongs to her children. I hope they will love and protect it the way she did. I know she will be greatly missed, she was the glue that kept a lot of people together.

So goodbye, Aunt Betty, you've always made me want to be a better person. No matter how strange of a child I was you always made me feel special. Thanks for the laughs and for all the advice. We will all miss you greatly.

Monsters!

If you live in St. Louis and like movies with creatures and animatronics than check out the latest exhibit at the Science Center, Monsters. I was invited to a special showing last Friday night. I took my nephew and brother-in-law. They have a lot of things for kids to do. Don't expect to stay all day, after about half an hour I was done, but it is a really nice exhibit. At the party they had free food and beer, face painting, music, and you could meet the people responsible for bringing the creatures to life. My nephew was most excited about the free ice cream sandwiches. Ah, children.

I did receive some sad news this weekend. My great Aunt Betty died. She was very ill, she finally succumbed to pneumonia. She was a great lady with a very kind heart and the prettiest face I've ever seen. She will be missed.

I still managed to have a fantastic weekend. The ladies of the Pink team came over and we worked on tutus for the May 31 Rookie Rumble. Nothing like beer, food, friends, and 58 yards of tulle to make a good time. It was nice. Hubby came home Sunday from his 100-mile, 3-mountain bike ride. How was it? His words, "If I ever say I want to do this ride again just take a crowbar and hit me in the face as hard as you can."

This Saturday, May 10, is our Beach Blanket Derby bout. I'm very excited. This time I am not bout director so I will actually get to see the game. Usually I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. We're expecting over 1,000, so if you'd like to come, come early.

Ta.

Broke the Barrier!

I have been trying to get down past 165 for the last two months. I work my ass off in derby, I've been watching what I eat, and I have stayed away from sugar and alcohol. Today I stepped on the scale and low and behold, I am 162! Yay me!

I know most girls don't want to post their weight for the entire world to see, but I don't care. I'm gorgeous! I have curves in the right places and enough flesh on those curves to look healthy. I don't care if I lose any more weight, my personal goal was to get past 165. My husband loves the way I look, and judging by the looks I get on the street sometimes others like it as well. I don't suffer from a poor body image.

I don't know if it's because of derby or because of watching other gorgeous women continually put themselves down but I have broken the habit of obsessing about my looks. There is nothing worse than watching a pretty girl put herself down or spend an exorbitant amount of money on beauty products she doesn't need. Today's society tells us that we have to spend a lot of money in order to look healthy, young, and fresh. BULLSHIT!

You idiots that buy into this crap are just that, idiots. Every woman can be beautiful if she has one thing - love for herself. A woman who loves herself is not going to obsess over 2 pounds or spend dollar after dollar on the latest beauty fad. A woman who loves herself is not going to let others put her down, no matter who that person is. A woman who loves herself is going to feel good from the inside out, thus she will look good. She will carry herself like a woman in love - with herself. Now, there are those who take that love just a bit too far. Those are called bitches. But you must be careful because some bitches are bitches because they hate themselves. It's a fine line.

Where am I going with this? Oh yes, because I am happy I feel beautiful. Because I feel beautiful I AM beautiful. See how that works? And those of you out there who don't agree with me can kiss my lovely, curvaceous ass.

Cough, Cough, Hack, Hack

Hello again. Posting two days in a row, wow, I must have nothing to do. I'm getting over a nasty bout of bronchitis. This is truly a disgusting disease. I don't recommend catching it if you can avoid it. Lots of snot, I'll leave it at that.

Yesterday my mommy, grandmommy, sister, and both my derby wives called to see how I was doing. It hurt to talk, and they all got an earful of hacking and coughing, but it was nice to catch up. Everyone is doing well.

The husband and I are heading to Savannah, GA in July and I can not wait. I haven't seen my friends down there in almost 2 years. I miss them. With derby and bike rides it's hard to carve out vacation time anymore. I'm really looking forward to the trip.

That's all. My, what a boring post. Sorry, folks. Let's see.....there is that sick fuck that locked his daughter in a basement for 24 years, fathering 7 children by her; gas prices are going through the roof and this country is going to hell; food shortages are cropping up all over the place; we still have an idiot running this country and no really great candidate to take his place. Choose one and discuss.